cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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