I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
