i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
