Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
