Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
