I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
please come you make the beer taste better
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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