Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
