Pappa wants mamma naked
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
