She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
