I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
