they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
