I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
this just has baby written all over it
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
