i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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