is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
