i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
