Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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