Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
