How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
