so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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