It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
