I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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