wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
