I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
