Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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