some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
