Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Is Oprah even human
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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