hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
