now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
