my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Be still, my beating vagina.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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