So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
