just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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