I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
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oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
