Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
