Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
