Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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