i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
