youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
