Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
