It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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