she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
