Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
