Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
