I can tuck mytits in my pants
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
