At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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