lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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