My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
