Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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