So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
