had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you would pick up someone in the library
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
