Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
