Someone shit on the floor
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
