I just pynch a tree in the face
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
