So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
