So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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